I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
