I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He passed out mid-signature
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
