Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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