so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
