I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
