youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
