My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
