Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
