I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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