Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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