There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
