I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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