wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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