Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
