I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
