The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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