My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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