Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
