My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
