there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
