This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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