why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
