she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
