is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
