Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
