who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
