Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
