I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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