You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
