I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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