Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
