I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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