Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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