Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
