i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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