She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
