while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
