there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
