I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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