i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
