Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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