Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
