yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
