My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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