This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
