I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize