It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
