I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
