I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
