dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
