video games are the ultimate cock blocker
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
