I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
