I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
