GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
