Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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