So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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