where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize