yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
they need to just BURY HIM!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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