im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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