Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
