My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have to summon your inner elephant
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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