Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
