When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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