3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize