The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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