All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
