so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
