Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
