just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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