The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
