Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
